Index, in the Flesh

It’s creepy and somewhat surreal when you know that you created a part of that book, and you could order it right now from Amazon.com, but you’re too cheap. Maybe ask the author for a free, I-helped-out copy? Still, knowing you (and everyone else in the world with an internet connection) could order it and read the index knowing that I created it freaks me out a little in my head. But I love it nonetheless.

Waxing and Yoga

I always forget how incredibly painful it is to get one’s legs waxed. I mean, I know it’s been a little less than a year since I had it done last, but seriously, does it really have to feel like I’m being murdered via hot wax and ripping?

Why do I do it then, you ask? Because having to shave once every three days sucks. Bad.

And now that we have a membership to a gym, my legs are going to be in the public eye more often than they have been in years. It’s also motivation to just go to the gym on a whim, if I like. I won’t have to plan ahead because of shave time. Since I’m taking a yoga class, as well, I’ll be ready each Wednesday to contort into new shapes and stretch muscles I didn’t even know that I had.

Did I tell you how much the yoga instructor at Fitness 19 rocks? She’s awesome. Her name is Danielle, and she’s a former gymnast with arthritis in her knees, but you’d never know she has problematic joints. She does yoga to keep limber since working out must be tough with her rusty knees. She’s really young and isn’t one of those hoity-toity yogis who believes yoga is everything. She’ll talk to you during the session, and she encourages us to ask questions, as well. The only other person I’ve met so far is Dan, a 50s-ish man who is trying to get in shape after a bout with colon cancer a few years back. It’s neat to see how much he has advanced in just two classes. Nice fella. Said he was happy to see me come back to the class. I think he didn’t want to be the only one there!

I have to reschedule my personal training because I was supposed to start this last Monday, but the flu bug hasn’t allowed me to do anything more strenuous than yoga and walking up stairs, and even that’s a stretch. I’m almost back to normal now, though, so I’m going to schedule the appointment for early next week.

I’m really excited to learn what exercises I should be doing to get the maximum out of my workouts. It’ll be nice to finally be doing something right–for my body and for myself.

Project Proposal Problem

I’m having a really tough time with my project proposal these days. It’s been put on the back burner for too long, and now I feel like I’m disconnected from it. I tried to sit down and write a new intro for it (Ann, my prof, says that’s the only part I really need to redo anymore), and I’m just stuck. It could be that I have so many other projects hanging over my head right now that I can’t concentrate on it like I need to, or I’m just tired of working on it. I’ve been trying to get this whole thing taken care of since September of last year, and I think I’m just a little tired of reading my own writing on it–again and again and again. I don’t know how Ann keeps reading that crap. Ugh.

I sent her a new, really terrible intro, so we’ll see what she says. I just want to get it done and get going on the project! After the proposal, the project may very well be smooth sailing. Or it could suck as much as this is right now. Oh, man, I hope not. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Well, the pictures transferred just fine. It’s probably because I used a third party program for that (Photobucket) instead of pulling them off my computer with Blogger’s crappy photo program. Sorry, Blogger, but it’s true.

Everything seems to be here. Woohoo!

As you can see in the categories area, “Uncategorized” is the biggest. I’m working on that. It’s taking forever to get through all the old posts that were written before Blogger gave us the option of categorizing/tagging them. It’ll take time. I’ll get a few done each day.

It’s funny to read some of my old posts. I seem so optimistic about everything–when we moved to GA, when we moved to MI, when I started grad school at Kennesaw, when I continued grad school here at EMU.

Part of me wishes I knew then what I know now about the grad school systems in both areas, and I still kick myself for not going to U of M Dartmouth in Massachusetts. I really wanted to go there, and it’s tough knowing that we would probably be there still if I had chosen a little more carefully when I started grad school. Actually, I would probably be done with my master’s and be working at a publishing house in Boston. *sigh*

It’s tough to read these old posts, knowing that this was a mistake or that was a mistake. I wish I would have taken the time to really research schools, to look at what I wanted to pursue as a career, not as a degree. I was focused too short-term.

Then again, I didn’t know what I wanted. I was 20, for Pete’s sake! Even now, at 23, should I know what I want to be when I grow up? It evolves into something new with every new class, new person I meet, new experience I have in the field.

I think the problem is that I want to do it all. Work with artists and writers in a non-profit capacity, become a managing editor at a major publishing house in New York or Boston, start my own green publishing house, become a managing editor at a small children’s publishing house, work as a successful freelance writer and editor from home, and work for a university press.

It’s obvious what the core to all these are–editing and book publishing–but there’s no way to do it all, especially since we’re talking about moving to a remote part of MN/ND.

And then I also want to have kids, spend plenty of time at home, own a house with a white picket fence and a big backyard, travel with my family, spend every holiday with family and friends, go out to dinner with my friends whenever I want, send my kids to a small school where they feel safe, and have my husband work in a safe, quiet community.

Can I have it all?

And the answer that I couldn’t see a few years ago when I was trying to hard to have it all is a resounding…

“No.”

Am I saddened by this reality? A little. I don’t understand how to balance the two inside of me. What am I willing to give up for the other? What do I believe will make me happy? These are tough questions to ask. I hate that I have to ask them, but they are a part of my life, all of our lives.

This has all hit me in the last year or so, knowing that decisions need to be made about my future, our future. And I think that’s the hardest part–Our future. I’ve been so selfish–even in this posting–and when it comes down to it, there is more than one person involved. And I have to think outside of my needs, my wants, my fears and joys.

And we’ll see. It should be an interesting year.

New Digs

I was going to lament the move from my four-year home over at blogger, but I see this more as a good thing–it still has that new blog smell.

Since I’ve already used WordPress for my research blog, this move has been a lot easier than I thought it would be. Seriously, took me something like a half an hour. I know none of the photos were moved from my old blog, but since I didn’t really have that many on the old one, I’m not too concerned. I’ll take the time to go through the old postings and make the necessary additions when I have the time.

I’m already liking this move. It might become more of a hassle, but for now, I’m going to revel in this newness. Enjoy!

Well, my body made me into a bold-faced liar. Yup. Got the flu from the hubby. That’s what I get for kissing him.

I couldn’t get out of bed for pretty much the entire weekend. We forced ourselves to go to the Urgent Care down the street on Saturday (that was before the whole thing hit me square between the eyes), and he was diagnosed with the flu and Bronchitis. I had an upper-respiratory illness of some sort. They sent me home with some codeine cough syrup and told me to drink lots of fluids.

And I woke up the next morning, barely able to stand.

You know, one of the perks of being married is having someone to take care of you when you’re sick. This whole being sick at the same time thing blows. But he helped out when he could. And I did the same.

We’re both on the mend now. I’m starting to feel relatively normal again. I can look at the computer without the words swimming together, though looking up and down (necessary for editing and indexing and the like) is still out of the question, which sucks considering I missed a deadline because of this crap.

But we didn’t throw up, even once. Woohoo!

Then again, for a while there, in the 101-degree fever delirium and nausea, a good tossing of my cookies probably would have helped a lot more than just putting out my hands so I wouldn’t trip over things because I was so disorientated as I stumbled to the kitchen to get more water.

We’re relatively low on cell phone minutes again this month. I’m not sure how we (OK, I) suck them up so quickly, but it’s always the same. We even upped our plan last month to 1000 (from 700). I spend a lot of time on the phone because of Cellar Roots–talking to staff, coordinating meeting times and places, calling about catering or printing, etc. Thankfully, that’s all done now.

That reminds me: I need to get those photos up, don’t I? Off to…wait, not call my staff photographer. I’ll have to e-mail instead. Ugh.

The hubby’s sick…again. He was so sick the last time that he was out of work for four days. It pretty much has to be the bubonic plague for him to miss work–he couldn’t talk the last time, and standing up made him dizzy. Since he does a lot of standing up, moving around, and talking at work, the whole being sick thing put him flat on his back.

It seems to be a different kind of sick this time–all in the lungs. Talking is tough because he coughs when he takes a deep breath.

I’m healthy again. A little bit of a cough in my lungs still–I never get sick like other people do. My colds are mild and more irritating than anything else. I had my tonsils removed when I was 19, and I’ve been right as rain ever since. I get a cold once per winter, and it’s pretty tame. Doesn’t take me out of commission at all.

So, it’s back to saltines, 7-Up, and soup for us around here–well, at least for the hubby. Thank goodness it’s not that pukey stomach flu everyone else is getting. I’m not cleaning up vomit, that’s for sure. Well, I probably would, but I would also complain so much your ears (or eyes, really) would bleed.

Here’s to sickness that doesn’t cause us to spew!

It looks like we might go with Fitness 19. I was really impressed with the cleanliness and professionalism of the person we dealt with. Anthony, the general manager, is proud of his gym, and I can see why. It’s really inexpensive–$32.90 a month for the two of us–and their personal training is really inexpensive, too. We can get two sessions for $80.00, and though the hubby probably doesn’t need it–he took a weight-training class in college–I’m a little behind in what would work best for me, especially since the weight gain from the birth control hormones.

They include a free nutrition and fitness assessment with a membership, and the March special for the membership fee is $49.00 each. As much as I hate to put out $160.00 up front for a gym membership and a month’s worth of working out, even I have to admit that’s pretty darn cheap. And they offer yoga, pilates, and kickboxing classes for $7.00 a piece. Not bad! Most yoga classes are between $15 and $30 each, if not more. I’m interested to see if their yoga instructor is worth her salt–I haven’t yet had a good yoga instructor here.

So I’m off to try their yoga class tomorrow night, and the hubby and I are going to work out with two free passes this weekend. We’ll see if the equipment is high-quality. I like the clientele they have their–business people, mostly, and some young people like us–not roided up or dancing around in skimpy clothes. They look like people who truly want to keep in shape. How refreshing.

This time last year I was getting bad news after bad news about all the heart stuff. Test after doctor’s appointment after test. I spent more time in doctor’s waiting rooms than I did in class.

And now, a year later, I have a diagnosis (a benign tachycardia) and a small medication that keeps me comfortable.

No more fear. No more worries. And a healthier lifestyle (working out and eating better and drinking lots of water) that will help to keep my heart ticking normally for as long as I can.