Ring

I forgot my engagement ring at home. I always take it off after my shower because I have to put lotion on, and I hate when lotion gets into the prongs and under the diamond. It looks bad and it’s hard to clean. But this morning, I was in such a rush, I forgot it on Nate’s dresser.

My finger is so bare. I feel naked without it.

This led me to realize how attached I have become to this bit of metal and stone. I thought, “Oh, geez, what if I run into my ex-roommate? Will she revel quietly thinking Nate and I broke up? What if she goes back to my ex and tells him that I’m single again? Will he start harassing me again? Oh, no! I don’t want to go through that again!” My ring has become a security blanket for me. I depend on it to send a message to the world and everyone in it that I am happily taken. And definitely off the market. Then the thought crossed my mind. Do I think I’m better than everyone else simply because I’m engaged? Am I better than my ex-roommate because I have someone who wants to marry me? Or at the very least, give me a ring? I was shocked I even accused myself of this, but the reality is that perhaps I desire to be better than her. She was so mean and put me through so much last year, and I’m only human. Maybe this engagement makes me feel like I’m better than her, when I’m really not, and I know that. A ring on my finger doesn’t make me better than her. Nothing can make one person better than another.

I know I’m engaged for reasons other than to be “higher” than others. I love Nate, more than I have ever loved anyone or anything, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Perhaps this guilt for feeling better than my ex-roommate is rightfully there. I shouldn’t feel that way, and I’m sorry for it. But I am only human.

To My Fantastic Fiance…

…who drove Sara and I to work/school this morning at 7:50am so we wouldn’t freeze to death walking. Oh, and it is his day off. First one in quite some time. Andhe’s going to pick me up after school is done. Lucky girl, aren’t I?

Memo to me:

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amazon.com Can Kiss MY Butt x 2

I received an e-mail about four hours after sending out that e-mail asking them to send my books overnight. Then, this morning, I received another e-mail telling me that he had checked into it and my books had already been shipped, so they couldn’t change my shipping options and to expect my books around January 24th. The 24th?! That’s halfway to mid-semester! What the hell is up with this?

I had been told that amazon.com was the best to order from for books. They were fast, efficient, and cheap. They were cheap. That’s about it. I’m so angry. This is completely and utterly unfair. But life isn’t always fair, I know. *sigh* Bring on the B’s!

amazon.com Can Kiss My Butt

…and you can quote me on that.

I have to admit they were very kind in their response to my desperate e-mail begging them to find a way to ship my books (which I need by tomorrow) sooner. But they did repeat everything I already knew because I actually read the “Track My Stuff” option on my account at their website. That was particularily annoying. But they aren’t shipping them overnight to me for free. No… Why would they do a smart thing like that? They’re giving me a $5 voucher. *sigh* No Shakespeare book for two class periods, perhaps even five or eight if they don’t get to me until their latest delivery date. That’s well on my way to getting a not so good grade in Dr. G’s class.

Damn it all! I’m e-mailing them again and telling them to keep the $5 and ship the books overnight to me. Grrr…

Tampons and Lipstick

I’m feeling much better. Thank you to everyone for your concern. It must have been something I ate because it passed quickly enough. All is well!

We had the girls over last night, which was great fun. Erin’s man even came to visit! It was good to see all of them. It has been a bit quiet around the house and kind of lonely, to be honest. It’s good to have everyone back. They make living in Bemidji bearable.

I’m excited for classes to start. I actually was hoping they would start today. Only night classes (anyone that starts after 4pm), and I, luckily, have none of those. I say luckily because I hate night classes, especially since I have to walk home in the dark. Evening sets in early around these parts. The days are getting longer, though. Spring will be here soon enough.

I watched two cars run into each other in the Bangsberg parking lot this morning. Not a scratch on either one. They were going probably about two miles per hour. Yes, it is that slippery where they haven’t plowed well.

My friend in the office here is hurting. His fiance of two weeks broke up with him. My heart goes out to him. Her loss, darling, her loss.

I’m ready to tackle the world today. Got a good night’s sleep, worked out yesterday which always energizes me, and I got to talk to fun people last night and this morning.

I think it’s time to get back to the Letter of Intent.

And yes, I do know this posting has nothing to do with tampons or lipstick.

Icky, Icky Artist

I feel so sick. It’s so icky. My tummy hurts, my head hurts, I feel super warm. Oh, this isn’t good… I’m going home to sleep for a long time. Hopefully, when I wake up, it’ll all be better. I just don’t want to vomit. Is that such a terrible request?

Grades for the Artist

Since all of my friends are posting their grades, I might as well.

Drum roll, please.

*drum roll starts*

All A’s.

Yay! Maybe I will get into grad school after all!

Me, again.

I feel like the only person at BSU not on vacation. I read Lindsi’s blog, and she was wishing everyone a relaxing and fun-filled winter break, and I realized I have had neither. And it’s depressing. I want to go spend a week with my family, laugh and sit around and do nothing. Instead, I have to work because we need the money. I feel like I haven’t accomplished a thing this break, except for quit JCP. This makes me so sad (the not getting anything done, not the quitting part).

I’m sorry. It was a rough morning, and now I’m whining again, which isn’t anything new.

Damn, I’m so boring.

Ugh II

Wow, people sure are cranky up here. Not the people I work with, the people walking by. The writers got moved out of the office because the boss is moving in there because the new VP is taking his office, and they haven’t put up our cubicles yet, so we’re out here in the open. I try to smile at people if they look at me, but all they do is stare back or give me a half-dirty look. Eesh, people, smile! Life is better than you think!